It’s no joke that we lose ourselves, part of us, along the way, in the craziness of life. And the reasons are complex and many. T.S. Eliot’s famous quote speaks eloquently of this mystery…
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
T.S. Eliot
I may not have it complete, but there are 5 ways that keep coming to mind that speak of this exploration, that can help us return. Return to our true selves, our most authentic essence…and know the place for the first time.
The first one has to do with our personalities, our WIRING. The way we naturally express ourselves, take information in, sustain energy, respond to life, what offends us and puts us on defense. Some of these things are hardwired into us as we are woven together in our mother’s womb. Like blue or brown eyes, light or dark skin, our true personality tendencies don’t change much along the way, but our patterns and behaviors can. We all have learning opportunities built into our tendencies. We can be blind or aware, intentional or accidental, and choose to do the work of becoming the healthiest version of ourselves possible, while celebrating our true personality.
The second is our WOUNDING.
“The wound is the place where Light enters you. ~Rumi
While we would never choose the wounds for ourselves or others, we all choose quite subconsciously how we will respond to them. And while pain is a normal part of life, when the pain is overwhelming with no sign of help or relief, we can experience trauma. And trauma mingles into our life in the form of defense mechanisms, survival skills, learned behavior based on avoiding our painful emotions, putting on a protective mask or withdrawing from life and any perceived threat, and the list goes on. Learning about these ways of being and where they came from is the beginning step to healing the wounds and making more room for tender, authentic self to reemerge and integrate into our life. I like to call it the art of becoming. It happens alongside of healing. Our wounds welcome the light and will keep asking for healing remedies, if we are bravely listening and embracing them.
And the 3rd Way is based on the culture we grew up in as well as subcultures that contribute to our unique values and WORLDVIEW that shape us more than we realize. I was born in Pasadena California in the 60s, raised by republican parents, antagonistic toward faith and emotions. This American culture with the subculture of my family influenced who I am today, and yet this shaping leaves room for me to make choices. I started travelling in my early 20s and haven’t stopped. As soon as I left home, I dove straight into spirituality and studied psychology, both to the chagrin of my parents. My worldview is ever evolving and expanding. That is me. We all have a worldview based on many experiences and cultural assumptions, unexamined and examined. There is so much more to say here! This awareness opens a way for choice and questioning that can lead each of us to a more authentic sense of who we are at a values and mindset level, while acknowledging that our roots set us up for certain freedoms and perspectives to respond to.
I decided to include our WILD WISHES in this mental model of returning to self, because I find passion and longing to be a deep part of who we are and a beautiful way to find ourselves again. What are you longing for right now? What really lights you up and makes you feel fully alive? That is so unique to who you are. The conversation deepens if we were to talk about what holds you back from those things? And how you are living your life, if compromising, and settling, and not going for it. What is that about? Follow your wild wishes and you will find parts of you that are longing to be seen and celebrated.
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for”. ~John A. Shedd
Lastly, I want to bring attention to something in our everyday way of being. And that is how well we WELCOME ourselves in. How present are you? Do you know how to be with yourself? Is all of your attention turned outward; or do you sit with your thoughts and welcome the deeper parts, the scared parts, the curious, the joy, all the things that come up for you in your heart, mind, and body in a given day. Welcoming is like grounding and centering for me. Being in nature in my 5 senses helps me welcome myself and be present. Some people might call this mindfulness. Some of us practice a welcoming prayer that is a spiritual way of welcoming yourself with deep awareness of what you need and how well you meet your own needs and support yourself. Do you know how to welcome yourself home in the ordinary of each day?
These 5 Ways Back to You are meant to inspire a pathway home for you. Maybe one “Way” jumps out at you more than others. If helpful, grab a journal and pen to reflect and express any insights or curiosities that surfaced around these 5 Ways. Is there a mini-step in front of you that you can take to reconnect to yourself?
Peace and Love
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