I recall the Clearing Method training last night. We discussed trauma, what it is. And I woke up this morning wanting to add my voice to what we discussed to say that we are all at risk of being in vicarious trauma right now. We referenced the example of a child hearing mom and dad fight and abuse one another in the next room as scary and potentially traumatizing for the child. Nothing happened directly to the child so we might not consider the trauma that gets embedded in them as they hide out, and shutter in pain and fear in the next room. It was more than what their bodies and minds could hold safely, no resolve, no soothing. Their two people could kill each other. They are alone and afraid. What does this mean for them?
Israel continues to abuse and kill Palestinians, many of which are women and children and we are all in the next room listening in, watching through a crack in the door. We still see Russia destroying Ukraine. And violence, fear, mental illness, rising all around us.
And what can we do? We are that child.
Some want to fight, some are in flight, and some of us are frozen, fawning and feigning.
But we are more powerful than we know.
It doesn’t matter what side you are on. The world is at risk of neurological shut down, losing their minds, hiding, and dissociating. We risk staying in defensive, survival mode for a very long time, unable to be helpful.
Some of us are already in the fight to save and recover a whole nation of people. Awesome! Some of us are paralyzed and feeling ashamed that we can’t speak up.
Humanity needs active engagement. But we have to recognize what is happening inside of us as individuals too. It’s both and. First things are first. Stay awake and alive within yourself and figure out what you need and what you have to offer.
How can you help?
I don’t want to play the privileged victim card. I’ve done that before.
I also don’t want to become a raging activist who loses touch with their own reality and becomes more harmful than helpful…to themselves and others. I’ve also dabbled here.
I am observing like so many other people, what we as humanity are doing to ourselves. I am naming what I see happening as a world watching and responding. And I am privileged. I am not a starving, bleeding Palestinian mother holding dead children in her trembling arms. But she is in the next room. She is on the screen. She is real and I know it. And I likely cannot directly help her. And if I drop into my own vicarious trauma, I can’t indirectly help her either.
So what can we do to locate ourselves right now, and be helpful, rather than become a victim ourselves?
These questions:
Where am I? Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically
What do I have to offer?
What is my capacity?
What do I need to stay well and clear headed so I can be of service?
What do I have to offer?
Who do I know who can help with me, so I’m not alone, dis-regulated, and disempowered?
Who is already helping that I trust, so I can come alongside them?
Do I have fresh ideas that need to be expressed somewhere? Where? And when?
Do I have resources to add to another person’s vision?
What do I have to offer?
How am I responding to this?
Is it okay to take care of myself? Do I have survivor's guilt and choose to avoid my own internal shame that I am okay?
Do I feel like nothing is enough so why try?
Who can help me be helpful without shaming me more? Find your people. Snap out if together.
What do I have to offer?
If we can, we need to take care of ourselves and figure out how to help. If we can’t take care of ourselves, we need to ask for help. Some can give right now. Some are in need.
Where are you?
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