Journal Alert, when a journal entry wants to be an article…
Waking up this morning, I was focused on two parts of myself… I split at some point, fragmented, likely when my parents divorced when I was 2. And the fragmenting continued.. until a few years ago.
It is so important to realize that our brains are wired to keep us alive, not to keep us mentally well. Mental wellness requires the whole body, and some significant intention.
So for years, with a trauma hidden inside of me, my brain was trying to keep me alive, by staying away from the pain inside, aka the emotional wounding. This is why we can ignore our pain, and in so doing, we abandon ourselves. This can create a life time of emotional avoidance and inner fragmentation of yourself, if we don’t choose to move toward the pain to get through the pain.
The good news is that eventually we reach out to ourselves from within. And say, in all sorts of ways, “it is time to heal… Come home”.
I subconsciously wrapped myself in protective layers, much like the body swells up around a fracture or injury. For me, coming home meant I start the unwrapping process.
I layered behaviors and beliefs onto my wounds as I grew up. I learned that I was selfish if I had emotions, so there you go, another layer forms. And the performer makes darn sure we don’t act selfish… tuck those selfish emotions away… to survive.
Because when you are tiny, love is survival. You have to have it. Rejection could be the death of you. It’s how it is for the little one.
So, one part of us goes into battle while the other hides out. And still another negotiates and performs to keep everyone safe. We are not fake complex. We really are complex, wonderfully and wisely so.
Why am I on to this? It’s part of the healing journey, to uncover the layers and survival strategies and deconstruct their current influence over our lives. And see how this protective wrapping around the wound can actually keep us from healing the wound.
With all of the current uncertainty and fear going down in our world right now, we need to be our whole healed selves. For ourselves yes, come home! And for the world we are designed to serve, with the problems we are fit to solve, come on!
And can I just say, it feels amazing to be healed and healing. I had no idea how much I needed this journey I am on.
It’s time.
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