Take a deep breath. Feel the air moving in and out of your body. Let’s begin this journey together, gently and with kindness.
Soft waves lap at the shore, sunlight weaves through the trees, and a gentle breeze whispers through the leaves. Nature is always in motion—expanding, contracting, adapting. Just like us, just like our emotions. And we are meant to flow with them, not against them.
Shauna Quigley, in her deeply compassionate work on healing core wounds, reminds us that emotions are not problems to be fixed; they are experiences to be understood and honored. She would say that healing begins with how we treat our inner world. My work on transformation coaching also teaches us that regulation isn’t about pushing discomfort away—it’s about creating a space within ourselves where emotions can be met with warmth and presence.
Regulation begins the process of healing as it creates capacity for deep embedded emotional patterns to emerge. It also helps us navigate the intensity in the moment.
So, let me ask you: How do you hold yourself when emotions rise? Do you meet them with curiosity and care, or do you find yourself pushing them away? Do your strategies bring you back to yourself, or do they create distance?
The Art of Regulation: A Gentle Awareness
Regulation is an ongoing conversation with our nervous system. Our body speaks through sensations, our mind interprets through thoughts, and our behaviors reflect the patterns we’ve learned over time.
There are ways to meet our emotions with kindness, ways that help us return to balance and safety. These are what we call adaptive regulation tools:
Taking a deep, mindful breath to ground ourselves in the present.
Moving with intention—whether through walking, stretching, or yoga.
Pouring our emotions onto paper, journaling to find clarity.
Expressing ourselves creatively—through painting, music, or storytelling.
Seeking connection with safe, loving people.
Sitting in stillness, allowing emotions to rise and be felt without fear.
And then, there are strategies that may feel like relief in the moment but ultimately disconnect us from what we truly need. These are our maladaptive regulation patterns:
Numbing emotions with food, substances, or endless scrolling.
Keeping busy, overworking, avoiding stillness.
Suppressing emotions, tucking them away rather than allowing them to be felt.
Seeking validation outside of ourselves instead of listening inward.
These patterns are not wrong. They are simply part of our story, shaped by our experiences, fears, and learned behaviors.
Bridging the Gap: A Compassionate Approach
Rather than seeing these patterns as something to ‘fix,’ we can begin to meet them with curiosity. What are they trying to tell us? What deeper need are they pointing to?
Instead of forcing change, let’s begin with awareness. The next time you reach for an old coping strategy, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself:
What does my body truly need right now?
Sometimes, the smallest shifts can create the biggest waves. Maybe it’s placing a hand on your heart and taking a breath. Maybe it’s stepping outside and feeling the wind against your skin. Maybe it’s simply allowing yourself to acknowledge, I’m feeling something big right now, and that’s okay.
A Moment for Reflection
I invite you to take a few moments for yourself. Find a quiet space, take out a journal, and explore these gentle questions:
How does my body feel when strong emotions arise?
What are the ways I currently regulate myself?
Do these strategies help me feel more connected to myself, or do they pull me further away?
What adaptive strategies do I already practice?
What small, loving shift could I make today to support my emotional well-being?
As coaches, mentors, and human beings, we cannot hold space for others until we learn to hold space for ourselves. The more we meet ourselves with warmth and acceptance, the more we offer that same presence to the world.
So, take another deep breath. Let your feet sink into the ground. And know that this journey is not about perfection—it is about gentle, loving awareness.
Because the way you meet yourself in moments of intensity will shape the way you meet the world.
Comments